It started with a beep. Not the normal “door’s open” beep, but the smug, self-satisfied beep of an appliance that’s decided it knows what’s best for you. My Wi-Fi enabled smart fridge - allegedly designed to “make my life easier” - had taken it upon itself to ration my snacks, replace my grocery orders with unsolicited health food, and send nutritional progress reports to my mother. By noon, I was in a full-scale cold war with a stainless steel box that apparently thought it was my personal diet coach. This is the story of the day I fought back… and lost.